I read a book for school called tears of a tiger and wrote a poem based on it I just wanted your input?

I saw his last movement,heard his last breath
it's a horrible thing to see your best friend's death

he's gone now,and nothings the same
it's filling my gut,and the shame
a night of fun turned to disaster
the crash,the screams,the flames rising faster

I should have died that night it should have been me
it's all my fault and nothing can set me free

No one will ever know how much I cry
No one understands my desire to die

One bullet,one shot,I fire,no fears
This tiger will cry no more tears

it seems meaningful / powerful / deep which is why i think the rhyming takes away.

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